Parent, Kids & Porn

Teen Girls and Group Sex - The Latest Trend

Thu, 5 Jan 2012 17:24:37 -0500

Just typing in the above title was a bit uncomfortable. As a parent with two teenage daughters it’s certainly not something you want to even consider. It’s a shock to the system. But when I read that researchers at Boston University School of Public Health found that 1 in 13 teenage girls have reported having group sex I knew it was a topic that needed to be addressed. With the proliferation of porn within youth culture it’s not a surprise that teens want to act out what they see. And group sex is a common theme in porn. As a matter of fact the researchers point out that the teenage girls having group sex say the act is often initiated by their boyfriends who watch porn.

Here are some more details from the research. The average age of the girls in the study having group sex is 15. Most of their group sex partners don’t use condoms. If the girls or their boyfriends watched porn it was 5 times more likely that they would engage in group sex. Of those 50% did sex acts their partner saw being done in porn. It gets worse. Another study of high school girls in the U.S. found sex parties were an accepted activity among some teenagers. An accepted activity? That is just crazy but it’s happening.

I think the link between porn a deviant sexual behavior is fairly obvious. Others want to do more study on the topic. I’m not against that but I don’t think parents should be waiting around for more studies. Teens are having group sex in alarming numbers. It’s a dangerous game with sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s) and teenage pregnancies being the potential outcomes. Parents we need to be aware of this trend. We can’t just brush it off as something “my daughter would never do”. And lets make sure we don’t forget about our sons. They may be the ones initiating the activity. I know evening thinking that this is possible is tough but we can’t just pretend it’s not happening. And don’t think that if your kids go to a religious high school you’re in the clear. I have a friend that is on staff at a religious high school where, not to long ago, 3 teens (2 boys and 1 girl) were caught having sex under the bleachers.

So what can parents do? Obviously blocking access to porn on your kids computers and smart phones using a filter like SafeEyes is a start. But having frank conversations about the dangers of having sex outside the confines of marriage and the realities of STD’s, especially in a group sex scenario, should be part of your plan to head this threat off. It’ll probably be a tough and slightly awkward conversation but it’ll be a lot less awkward than walking in on your daughter having sex with two guys.

Are Your Kids Accidentally Telling Strangers Where They Live?

Tue, 13 Dec 2011 17:22:41 -0500

Hey Internet stranger. My name is Kim. By my picture you can tell I’m around 14 years old. Aren’t I cute? I live at 555 Any Street in Small Town, CA. in case you want to come say “Hi”.

Most parents would flip if their kid put this type of information out on the Internet. Kids often don’t realize what information they may be giving away and to whom when they take pictures and post them online to sites like Facebook or Twitter. When you take a picture with a GPS equipped smartphone (i.e. iPhone), or other devices like an iPad, iTouch or Android tablet, the picture is geotagged. What that means is embedded in the picture is information giving the latitude and longitude of where the picture was taken. So when our fictional character “Kim” took a picture of herself at home and posted it online a stranger could find out where she lived. Not information you want your young teenage daughter sharing with a bunch of strangers.

Last year someone famous accidentally gave away where he lived because of geotagging. Adam Savage, one of the hosts of the popular cable show “MythBusters”, took a picture of his truck and posted it on Twitter and said, “Now it’s off to work”. His picture was geotagged with its location (his house). So not only did he accidentally give away where he lived but he also told everyone he wasn’t going to be home because he was off to work. Not the sort of information you want the world to know.

So how do you protect your kids from accidentally sharing photo’s online that are geotagged? Is it time to go back to Polaroid Instant Cameras? No. Fortunately you can turn off geotagging in the devices mentioned above. Just type in “turn off geotagging” plus the name of your device (iPhone, Android, iPad etc.) in your favorite search engine and you’ll find directions on how to do it. Then you’ll be able to rest easy knowing the world won’t be told where your children live when they snap a picture.

Making iPhones, iPdas & iTouches Kid Friendly

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 17:10:55 -0500

A common question I get from parents is, “How do I protect my kids from inappropriate material on their iPhone, iPad or iTouch?” That is a great question because so many kids have these devices now. My 13-year-old daughter won an iPad2 at school recently (lucky dog). These devices can all access the Internet and there are zillions of apps that can be downloaded for them. So with the proliferation of “i” devices in our homes it’s a good idea to know how to set them up so they’re kid friendly. Here’s the step-by-step process I took to do just that on my daughters new iPad2:

1. First delete all browsers apps on their “i” device. Bing and Google are the main ones to look for (Safari you have remove in a different way and we’ll cover that in step 4). How do you delete them you might be wondering? Put your finger on the icon of the app you want to delete. It will start to jiggle and an “X” will appear on the icon in the upper left hand corner. Touch the “x” and that will delete the app.

1. Download the Safe Eyes Mobile app which is an Internet filtering browser that will help keep your kids safe from inappropriate websites. How? Go to the “App Store” app on their device. Click on the search icon at the bottom and type in “Safe Eyes Mobile”. Click on it and hit “Install”.

1. Next go to the “Setting” app, scroll down and select the “General” tab and then scroll down and select “Restrictions”. Turn “Restrictions” on if it is not already and create a password (one you’ll easily remember).

1. On the “Restrictions” page turn off “Safari” (this will make it not appear on their device) and turn off “Installing Apps”. Why do we do this? We want the only Internet browser on their device to be Safe Eyes. If Safari or another browser app is on their device they can use that which would bypass the filters Safe Eyes provides. We turn off “Installing Apps” so they can’t just download another browser and, again, bypass Safe Eyes. Now when they want to download an app (and they will) they’ll need to come to you so you can turn on “Install Apps”. But don’t forget to turn it back off when they’re done.

1. Outside of making their device safer for web browsing you can do many other things in “Restrictions” to make their “i” device more kids friendly like turning off “YouTube” and scrolling down to “Allowed Content” and turning off “Explicit” content under “Music & Podcasts”. You can also setting age appropriateness for “Movies”, “TV Shows” and “Apps”. Under “Game Center” you can also turn off their ability to play multiplayer games and adding friends via “Game Center” if you have concerns about who they can interact with online.

Now that you’ve taken these step to make their “i” devices kid friendly make sure you get on their device from time to time. See how it works. See how they’re using it. Ask them questions about it. You might actually learn something and you may end up wanting one for yourself.

Gaming Company Taps Porn Stars for Promotion

Sat, 15 Oct 2011 15:32:22 -0400

The headline above probably isn’t one you’ve seen on a banner at your local video game store. And yet this headline is for the 3rd installment of a major video game series called Saints Row. This game has sold over 6 million copies. For the latest version, coming our this November, gaming company THQ hired a group of Penthouse Pets to amp up the promotion surrounding the game. In addition THQ also hired adult porn star Sasha Grey to play one of the characters in the game. If you take a look at the website for the game you’ll find a promotion called “F***ed Up Fridays”, you’ll have a chance to win Penthouse Pet posters with the tag line “Strap It On” across the top and you’ll discover that one of the weapons is the game is a large purple dildo bat.

Whatever happened to games like Donkey Kong, Asteroids and Pac Man? Ok, I don’t think video games shouldn’t evolve. There are some great games out there. My kids have a lot of the Star Wars and Lord of the Rings games - but purple dildo bats and Penthouse Pets? Why in the heck do we have to go there? Granted the game will probably be rated “M” for “Mature” or “M+” but that doesn’t seem to discourage parents from letting their kids play “M” rated games. The third game in the Halo series, arguable one of the most popular video games series of all time, was rate “M”. But there were no sexual toys as weapons and no porn pin ups as part of the game. So an “M” rating can be confusing for parents who don’t do their homework. Many parents just think, “It’s just a video game”, so they automatically figure it’s ok for their kids. That is a mistake.

Games like “Saints Row” can open up the door to a world of porn that parents never intended to bring into their home. Their kids will face adult situations in the game and commit senseless acts of violence that they just can’t process. So parents before you buy your kids a video game do your homework. Most games have demo’s your can download for free. So if your child wants a game download the demo and play it. You’ll quickly find out if it is something appropriate for them or not. If a demo isn’t available check out the games website (like I did for Saints Row). Even games that have innocent looking covers can have a dark side. I’ve found that out playing a demo for a game my son wanted. So parents do your homework. You don’t want your kids ending up on Saints Row.

Shock the Monkey - Get Porn Off Your Kids Back

Fri, 23 Sep 2011 16:01:44 -0400

Yes I am a fan of 80’s music. Can’t help it. Went to high school in the 80’s. A lot of great music came out of that decade including Peter Gabriel’s song “Shock the Monkey”. There are varying interpretations of what the song is about but a popular one is addiction. Porn is very addicting and an article in Wired magazine, from several years back, said it is more addicting than cocaine. That is pretty powerful. So if your kids get hooked on porn how do you “Shock the Monkey”?

Maybe we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves. You’d probably like to help your kids avoid getting the porn Monkey on their backs in the first place. Here are some basic “Porn Monkey Avoidance” techniques:

1. Don’t allow your kids to have Internet access in their bedroom - whether on a computer or other Internet enabled device (Smart Phone, iTouch, PSP, iPad etc.). You’re just asking for trouble. Make Internet access available only somewhere in your house that you can see what they’re doing online (like your kitchen).

2. Get an Internet filter. Yeah, they cost a few bucks but it’s well worth it to protect your kids. Sometimes they can run into Porn Monkey’s with just a simple typo. Now I hear from people all the time on how kids can get around filters. Well that is not all kids and sometimes a filter is just the deterrent a kid needs to keep him away from Monkey Island (porn monkey island).

3. Check your kids computer, phones and other electronic devices for porn. They can get it from places other than the Internet - a text from a friend, an email with an attachment, a USB stick from a buddy. So randomly check their devices and see what you can find. If they know you’re checking that may help them avoid the monkeys.

So lets say you find out your kid already has the porn monkeys on their back. How do you help them “Shock the Monkey”?

1. Have an honest conversation with them about porn. Kids often feel trapped. They know they shouldn’t be looking at the stuff but they’re too scared to say anything. Just getting the whole thing out in the open can be a big relief. That’s one way to shock the monkey.

2. Help them find an accountability partner. It’s probably a good idea if it’s a youth pastor or other youth worker. It needs to be someone mature that they respect and trust. And someone who can ask them freely if they’ve looked at porn recently. Sure they could lie but knowing they are accountable to someone can shock the monkey.

3. There are some great books that can help as well. A great book for your son is “Every Young Man’s Battle” and a great book for your daughter is “Every Young Woman’s Battle”. Both are available at www.EveryMansBattle.com. These books can help them shock the monkey on their own.

Ok, I think I’ve said “Shock the Monkey” enough but hopefully it’ll help you remember what you need to do to protect your kids from Porn. Hey, why not go to iTunes and download the song while you’re thinking about it. It’s 80’s at its best.